Grimm's Fairy Tales REVISITED:
Little Red Riding Hood
Note:Neon sour gummy worms are dangerous. The following is a fic involving my "alter egos," aka the "peeples" in my head. Quickly: Kateri is the director. PsychoKat is the sadistic psycho. The Minions are 11 and 12 year-old-girls specially trained by their coach, Peg, to play basketball and hate teeny-bopper stuff. (They are short and mischevious). Pegret is about as sane as one of my alter egos could possibly be. Hope you enjoy.
Peggy: Okay, just as a warning, this is aaaaall orchestrated by Kateri and the Peeples in my Head, who have apparently been off planning this in the Black Forest of Germany. ::looks at them suspiciously:: At least, that's where they CLAIM they've been...
Kateri: ::innocent grin::
PsychoKat: I *dare* you to prove otherwise. ::smirk::
Peggy: Oh, dear...
Kateri: Anyway, here it is, the fic you've all been waiting for--
Peggy: Wait! You didn't do the disclaimer!
Kateri: ::annoyed:: Whatever. Cue the disclaimer!
Minion #1: ::clears throat:: Peggy owns nothing! Nothing at all!
Minion #6: She doesn't even own US!
Minion #2: It's true. We broke free long ago.
Minion #3: ANYWAY! Peggy's not making any money!
Minion #2: Not only is she not making any money--
Minion #4: She doesn't HAVE any money!
Peggy: ::Mutters about how true THAT is::
Minion #5: So don't sue her! It's pointless! And you might end up with her homework, or something!
Minions #1-6: ::shudder::
Minion #2: So just shut up and enjoy the story!
Minion #3: Yeah!
Kateri: Well, wasn't that cute. ::kicks them offstage:: Now--
Pegret: Do you want this in Wildeys?
Kateri: ::blink blink::
Pegret: Because then you need to rate it, and date it, and--
Kateri: WHATEVER!! You! Take care of it! ::Storms off::
Minion #7: ::runs in:: I've got it.
Grimm's Fairy Tales Revisited: Little Red Riding Hood
Rating:H, I, ML, ALT, DBN/HR, X
Summary: I am crazy. And I love Meach. ::waves:: Hi Meach!
Date: May 24, 1999
Disclaimer: Me no own. Please no sue!
Archivers: Knock yourselves out.
~~~~SCENE 1: The Forest~~~~
Benton: ::enters, dressed in a red cape with a hood over his normal clothes, carrying a picnic basket, skipping::
Pegret: ::narrator voice:: One day, Little Red Benton Head was--
Kateri: CUT! Little Red WHAT?
Pegret: ::examines script:: Benton Head.
Kateri: ::smacks forehead:: Okay, that's just stupid.
Pegret: I didn't write it!
Kateri: Whatever. And.... Action!
Pegret: ::narrator voice:: Anyway, so Little Red Benton HOOD is walking through the forest, carrying a pic-a-nic basket full of--
Kateri: CUT! He's carrying a WHAT?
Benton: A pic-a-nic basket. ::holds it up::
Kateri: Who WROTE this?? Yogi Bear?
Yogi: You don't like it?
Boo-Boo: I don't think she likes it.
Kateri: ::growls:: WHY are you here?
Yogi: We came to find a pic-a-nic basket or two!
Boo-Boo: You always have such nice food at your shoots!
Minion #3: (offstage) Yum!
Kateri: ::eyebrow twitch:: Get...out...of...my...Sound Stage...
Yogi: Yeowch! You're meaner than the av-er-age di-rector!
Boo-Boo: ::waves:: Bye! ::they leave::
Kateri: ::sigh:: Okay, moving on...
Pegret: ::narrator voice:: So, Little Red Benton Hood's skipping down the path with his pic-a-nic basket, and--
Benton: Um, I'm sorry...
Kateri: What...IS IT??
Benton: Not to be any trouble, or anything, but... Must I skip?
PsychoKat: But you're so CUTE when you're skipping!
Benton: Well, that may be, but it's really not something I'm terribly comfortable with.
Kateri: Look. I don't care if you do cartwheels through the forest with a tuba strapped to your back! Can we PLEASE get on with this??
Benton: Um... Yes... Yes. ::continues down the path, walking at a medium pace::
Pegret: ::narrator voice:: As Little Red Benton Hood skip--er, walked--down the path through the deep dark woods with his pic-a-nic basket, he thought about how happy his girlfriend would be when she got it, since it was full of good things, like pies and neon gummy worms.
Meach: ::offstage:: I get a basket??
Benton: ::obviously reading from a script:: Won't Kathy Martin Be Delighted To Get these Yummy Pies and Gummy Worms! ::aside:: Gummy worms??
Meach: ::offstage:: WHAT?? *KATHY* *MARTIN*!!!!
PsychoKat: ::evil grin:: She sounds upset. ::runs backstage::
Pegret: ::narrator voice:: So Little Red Benton Hood hurried down the trail to Kathy Martin's house to deliver his basket of goodies. But suddenly, at a fork in the road, he heard a straaaaange noise!
Benton: Oh, No! What Is That Straaaaange Noise??
Meach: ::jumps in from the scenery:: Hiya! ::wolf whistles::
Kateri: That's not the wolf I hired...! ::notices that PsychoKat is gone:: Psyche...
Benton: Um... You're the wolf?
Meach: I'll be anything you want me to be...
Benton: Um... ::pulls script out of basket:: Excuse Me, Mr. Wolf, but Do You Know the Quickest Way to Kathy Martin's House? I Must Deliver These Goodies to her, so that She Will Feeeeel Better. ::pause:: But then, I'm not really in all that much of a hurry... ::smiles insinuatingly::
Meach: ::evil grin::
Minion #8: Hey! There's KIDS here!
Peg: Oh, grow up.
Pegret: ::narrator voice:: So the Big Bad Wolf--er--Meach--told Little Red Benton Hood that the right fork would save him time.
Meach: Up for a stroll??
Benton: ::offers his arm:: Certainly! ::pause:: I really should at least drop off the basket, though. That Martin woman is sick.
Meach: What say we take the...scenic route?
Benton: Sounds like fun. ::they walk off down the right fork::
PsychoKat: ::drops down from a tree:: Hmm... This is where I come in... ::runs down left fork::
Pegret: But really, it was the LEFT fork that was shorter... While Little Red Benton Hood innocently followed the right fork, the Big Bad Wolf--er--PsychoKat--took the left.
Kateri: ::flipping through script, agitated:: But... What... ARG! ::flings script:: I give up! Anything goes!
Minions: ::exchange high-fives::
Peg: Okay, girls. Go help Psyche with the cabin.
Minions: Break! ::run off::
Kateri: ::surveys empty stage:: Anyone else care to wreak havok before the scene change??
Kateri: Okay, then. SCENE TWO!!
~~~~SCENE TWO: Kathy Martin's Cottage~~~~
Pegret:::clears throat:: When Little Red Benton Hood--um, and Meach, of course--reached the cottage, a straaaaange sight met his--their--eyes...
Benton: Oh, No! Some One Has Broken In To Kathy's Cottage!
Benton: ::shrug:: That's what the script says.
Meach: Oh. ::opens door::
Benton: GASP! ::looks inside, does a double take:: Hey! It is trashed!!
Kathy: ::staggers out:: You... All... Your... Fault... ::collapses::
Benton: Whose fault?
Meach: Well, she didn't really make it clear...
PsychoKat: ::bounces out of the cottage carrying a large TV:: BWAHAHAHAHA!!!
Minions #1-7: ::Follow, carrying various and sundry things::
Minion #8: ::carrying large cookie jar:: Wait up! ::pause at front door:: I think she meant us, actually. ::grins:: See ya! ::runs off::
Meach: Oh, my.
Benton: What should we do?
Meach: What does the script say?
Benton: Um... ::clears throat:: Why Kathy, What Big... ::pause:: That's not suitable for immature audiences!
Benton: Lemmee see... ::reads:: Whoa! I should think not. ::shreds script::
Benton: Um... Director?
Kateri: ::looks up from her magazine:: What?
Benton: What should we do?
Kateri: ::blink blink:: I don't care. ::shrug::
Benton: Um... All right then... ::to Meach:: Would you care to join me for a drink?
Benton: Well, then. ::Offers arm::
Meach: ::leaves with Benton:: I can't believe that stupid script...
::FADE TO BLACK::
~~~~EPILOGUE: Studio Lounge~~~~
PsychoKat: ::watching TV with the Minions:: Pass the cookies...
Comments? Criticisms? Cookies?
Send 'em my way.
<3 Peggy (& the Peeples in her Head, enjoying Kathy's cookies)
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Look at the ridiculous number of awards this fic won in the 1999Q2 Wildey Awards!