Grimm's Fairy Tales REVISITED:

Little Red Riding Hood

Note: Neon sour gummy worms are dangerous. The following is a fic involving my "alter egos," aka the "peeples" in my head. Quickly: Kateri is the director. PsychoKat is the sadistic psycho. The Minions are 11 and 12 year-old-girls specially trained by their coach, Peg, to play basketball and hate teeny-bopper stuff. (They are short and mischevious). Pegret is about as sane as one of my alter egos could possibly be. Hope you enjoy.

Peggy: Okay, just as a warning, this is aaaaall orchestrated by Kateri and the Peeples in my Head, who have apparently been off planning this in the Black Forest of Germany. ::looks at them suspiciously:: At least, that's where they CLAIM they've been...

Kateri: ::innocent grin::

PsychoKat: I *dare* you to prove otherwise. ::smirk::

Peggy: Oh, dear...

Kateri: Anyway, here it is, the fic you've all been waiting for--

Peggy: Wait! You didn't do the disclaimer!

Kateri: ::annoyed:: Whatever. Cue the disclaimer!

Minion #1: ::clears throat:: Peggy owns nothing! Nothing at all!

Minion #6: She doesn't even own US!

Peggy: Hey!

Minion #2: It's true. We broke free long ago.

Peggy: Still...

Minion #3: ANYWAY! Peggy's not making any money!

Minion #2: Not only is she not making any money--

Minion #4: She doesn't HAVE any money!

Peggy: ::Mutters about how true THAT is::

Minion #5: So don't sue her! It's pointless! And you might end up with her homework, or something!

Minions #1-6: ::shudder::

Minion #2: So just shut up and enjoy the story!

Minion #3: Yeah!

Kateri: Well, wasn't that cute. ::kicks them offstage:: Now--

Pegret: Do you want this in Wildeys?

Kateri: ::blink blink::

Pegret: Because then you need to rate it, and date it, and--

Kateri: WHATEVER!! You! Take care of it! ::Storms off::

Peggy: Um...

Minion #7: ::runs in:: I've got it.

Rating: H, I, ML, ALT, DBN/HR, X

Summary: I am crazy. And I love Meach. ::waves:: Hi Meach!

Date: May 24, 1999

Disclaimer: Me no own. Please no sue!

Archivers: Knock yourselves out.

Kateri: And.... Action!

Benton: ::enters, dressed in a red cape with a hood over his normal clothes, carrying a picnic basket, skipping::

Pegret: ::narrator voice:: One day, Little Red Benton Head was--

Kateri: CUT! Little Red WHAT?

Pegret: ::examines script:: Benton Head.

Kateri: ::smacks forehead:: Okay, that's just stupid.

Pegret: I didn't write it!

Kateri: Whatever. And.... Action!

Pegret: ::narrator voice:: Anyway, so Little Red Benton HOOD is walking through the forest, carrying a pic-a-nic basket full of--

Kateri: CUT! He's carrying a WHAT?

Benton: A pic-a-nic basket. ::holds it up::

Kateri: Who WROTE this?? Yogi Bear?

Yogi: You don't like it?

Boo-Boo: I don't think she likes it.

Kateri: ::growls:: WHY are you here?

Yogi: We came to find a pic-a-nic basket or two!

Boo-Boo: You always have such nice food at your shoots!

Minion #3: (offstage) Yum!

Kateri: ::eyebrow twitch:: Get...out...of...my...Sound Stage...

Yogi: Yeowch! You're meaner than the av-er-age di-rector!

Boo-Boo: ::waves:: Bye! ::they leave::

Kateri: ::sigh:: Okay, moving on...

Pegret: ::narrator voice:: So, Little Red Benton Hood's skipping down the path with his pic-a-nic basket, and--

Benton: Um, I'm sorry...

Kateri: What...IS IT??

Benton: Not to be any trouble, or anything, but... Must I skip?

PsychoKat: But you're so CUTE when you're skipping!

Benton: Well, that may be, but it's really not something I'm terribly comfortable with.

Kateri: Look. I don't care if you do cartwheels through the forest with a tuba strapped to your back! Can we PLEASE get on with this??

Benton: Um... Yes... Yes. ::continues down the path, walking at a medium pace::

Pegret: ::narrator voice:: As Little Red Benton Hood skip--er, walked--down the path through the deep dark woods with his pic-a-nic basket, he thought about how happy his girlfriend would be when she got it, since it was full of good things, like pies and neon gummy worms.

Meach: ::offstage:: I get a basket??

Benton: ::obviously reading from a script:: Won't Kathy Martin Be Delighted To Get these Yummy Pies and Gummy Worms! ::aside:: Gummy worms??

Meach: ::offstage:: WHAT?? *KATHY* *MARTIN*!!!!

PsychoKat: ::evil grin:: She sounds upset. ::runs backstage::

Pegret: ::narrator voice:: So Little Red Benton Hood hurried down the trail to Kathy Martin's house to deliver his basket of goodies. But suddenly, at a fork in the road, he heard a straaaaange noise!

Benton: Oh, No! What Is That Straaaaange Noise??

Meach: ::jumps in from the scenery:: Hiya! ::wolf whistles::

Kateri: That's not the wolf I hired...! ::notices that PsychoKat is gone:: Psyche...

Benton: Um... You're the wolf?

Meach: I'll be anything you want me to be...

Benton: Um... ::pulls script out of basket:: Excuse Me, Mr. Wolf, but Do You Know the Quickest Way to Kathy Martin's House? I Must Deliver These Goodies to her, so that She Will Feeeeel Better. ::pause:: But then, I'm not really in all that much of a hurry... ::smiles insinuatingly::

Meach: ::evil grin::

Minion #8: Hey! There's KIDS here!

Peg: Oh, grow up.

Pegret: ::narrator voice:: So the Big Bad Wolf--er--Meach--told Little Red Benton Hood that the right fork would save him time.

Meach: Up for a stroll??

Benton: ::offers his arm:: Certainly! ::pause:: I really should at least drop off the basket, though. That Martin woman is sick.

Meach: What say we take the...scenic route?

Benton: Sounds like fun. ::they walk off down the right fork::

PsychoKat: ::drops down from a tree:: Hmm... This is where I come in... ::runs down left fork::

Pegret: But really, it was the LEFT fork that was shorter... While Little Red Benton Hood innocently followed the right fork, the Big Bad Wolf--er--PsychoKat--took the left.

Kateri: ::flipping through script, agitated:: But... What... ARG! ::flings script:: I give up! Anything goes!

Minions: ::exchange high-fives::

Peg: Okay, girls. Go help Psyche with the cabin.

Minions: Break! ::run off::

Kateri: ::surveys empty stage:: Anyone else care to wreak havok before the scene change??

Kateri: Okay, then. SCENE TWO!!

Pegret: ::clears throat:: When Little Red Benton Hood--um, and Meach, of course--reached the cottage, a straaaaange sight met his--their--eyes...

Benton: Oh, No! Some One Has Broken In To Kathy's Cottage!

Meach: What?

Benton: ::shrug:: That's what the script says.

Meach: Oh. ::opens door::

Benton: GASP! ::looks inside, does a double take:: Hey! It is trashed!!

Meach: Whoa!

Kathy: ::staggers out:: You... All... Your... Fault... ::collapses::

Benton: Whose fault?

Meach: Well, she didn't really make it clear...

PsychoKat: ::bounces out of the cottage carrying a large TV:: BWAHAHAHAHA!!!

Minions #1-7: ::Follow, carrying various and sundry things::

Minion #8: ::carrying large cookie jar:: Wait up! ::pause at front door:: I think she meant us, actually. ::grins:: See ya! ::runs off::

Benton: Ah...

Meach: Oh, my.

Benton: What should we do?

Meach: What does the script say?

Benton: Um... ::clears throat:: Why Kathy, What Big... ::pause:: That's not suitable for immature audiences!

Benton: Lemmee see... ::reads:: Whoa! I should think not. ::shreds script::

Benton: Um... Director?

Kateri: ::looks up from her magazine:: What?

Benton: What should we do?

Kateri: ::blink blink:: I don't care. ::shrug::

Benton: Um... All right then... ::to Meach:: Would you care to join me for a drink?

Meach: Certainly!

Benton: Well, then. ::Offers arm::

Meach: ::leaves with Benton:: I can't believe that stupid script...

PsychoKat: ::watching TV with the Minions:: Pass the cookies...

 Comments? Criticisms? Cookies?

 Send 'em my way.

<3 Peggy (& the Peeples in her Head, enjoying Kathy's cookies)